The phrase “great horror film” has always seemed to me to be an oxymoron. Until now, that is. “Tales From the Crypt: Bordello of Blood” is a classic, pure and simple.
Defying yet another contradiction, “Bordello of Blood” is an excellent big screen adaptation. while it pays homage to its cable TV roots, it forges out new territory to entertain long time fans.
Compared to a time-tested cult favorite, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” “Bordello” stacks up favorably. Neither for a second takes itself seriously and both are crammed full of gratuitous everything.
Also like “Rocky”, “Bordello” benefits from an excellent and underrated lead actor. In this case, Dennis Miller stars as Rafe Guttman, a private investigator who ends up investigating something he never dreamed of.
The plot of this film, while thoroughly transparent, is something only “Tales From the Crypt” could present.
Angie Everhart plays Lilith, a vampire brought back to life after several centuries in a coffin with her heart in four pieces. somehow of another, she then ends up in the basement of a mortuary with several other female vampires. They pose as prostitutes, ensuring a constant “flow” of fresh blood.
Caleb (Corey Feldman) is an unassuming teenager who wants nothing more than to get laid, when he is directed to the mortuary. When, after several days, he doesn’t return, his sister (Erika Eleniak) enlists the help of private investigator Guttman.
With this to build, incredibly entertaining stupidity ensues until, an hour alter, just about everyone is dead.
As I said earlier, the single term to best describe this film is “gratuitous.” Just about everything is done in mindless excess - violence, blood, and nudity foremost. And there was more sexual innuendo than all of last season on “Seinfeld.”
Perhaps the best excess of all was the infamous “cryptkeeper,” and his all-too-brief screen time. In fine form, he opens the movie by losing a hand, and closes with a wonderful string of delightfully disgusting plays on words.
“Saturday Night Live” fans should not be scared away by the apparent humorless nature of Bordello.” Alumnus Dennis Miller highlights the film with a wisecrack response for nearly everything anyone has to say, and subtle physical humor.
And, in the rare instances that you are not laughing at Miller, you can still laugh at the outright outrageousness of the movie itself. While the vampires’ blood lust becomes revolting at times, “Bordello” never loses its light touch, and never attempts a departure from its well-defined genre.
All in all, this movie is so good because it is so terrible. Whether the content or the movie itself, “Bordello of Blood” keeps you laughing from start to finish. So if you’re like me and aren’t disgusted, revolted, or repulsed by anything movies have to offer, you’ll love this film.
Grade: A